I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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