you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
