We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
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I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
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I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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