I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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