worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
