clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
