So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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