I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just pee around me
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
