If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
