She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Dick very happy bro
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
