I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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