Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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