shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
