What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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