..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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