He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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