R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
