i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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