Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
