What a fucking waste of an outfit
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
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You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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