my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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