She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
