Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
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I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
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It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just want nice things and good sex
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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