I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think I won the penis lottery.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
