apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
