Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
