We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
