It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
