You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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