The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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