I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
