I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
