Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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