HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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