The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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