Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
