Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
