Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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