my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
