Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
