My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
