worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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