Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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