I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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