I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
