So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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