coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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