i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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