this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
