tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
being pregnant is like rehab
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
try to milk me bitch
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