he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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