hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He passed out mid-signature
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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