My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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