i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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