I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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