first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
