I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I love you. Go after that dick
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
